Christmas Time !

Merry Christmas everyone! Jesus was born today. This is how it happened.

God sent an angel and told Mary (she's a virgin) and Joseph they were going to have a baby.

King Herod is all, "Go back to the land of your fathers'! Census time!" Mary is pregnant.

Boo ): No room at the inn. Joseph is like, "Fer realz?" Mary is ready to pop Jesus out.

God sends angels to tell the shepherds about Jesus, and the wise men seek the king of kings by following a star.

Joseph and Mary find room in a stable and put Jesus in a manger. The wise men bring him gifts, and the shepherds say hi. Hosts of angels sing overhead.

Jesus then grows up, and saves everyone :)

EDIT: This is not meant to be sacrilegious.

A Christmas Squid

Gary and some butter

I drew these.

OH MY GOSH

For many this post may be considered irrelevant and a waste of time and space...but I must share this picture.

While I was fire-making, I noticed an imp inside the Varrock West Bank! LOLZ IZ A GLITCH !1!!1!!

Basically, Runescape has been the center of my winter break. Exams went spectacular if, perhaps, you wondered (except Physics, but what did I expect).

I've drawn a fair number of comics filled with hilarity and silly notions, but...unfortunately I don't have my own scanner. My boyfriend asked if I wanted one a month or two ago and thinking it was an expensive non-necesital item, I said, "No."

I never realized I would desire one this badly. Sigh. But it is all in the past. He probably got me something awesome for Christmas anyway.

On that note...

MERRY CHRISTMAS (HEATHENS, HO HO HO)!

I am a proud christian and I'm wishing you a happy birth of baby Jesus.

If you don't know, he saved humanity. I will post some sort of exciting Christmas comic on the 25th, unless of course I forget or am to lazy.

Sometimes I like to crush my self esteem...

...And boost someone else's :]

Here is an altogether new spanish comic about cows. Yay!

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Mmm, raisins.

My sister and I were diligantly cleaning the house yesterday, sweeping, spraying noxious chemicals in the bathroom, collecting stray socks (Addy, our dumb dog likes to carry them around). We decided to clean underneath the desk in the living room where things are often stuffed when the house needs to get 'clean' fast.

She swept her hand underneath, feeling around and pulling out old papers and chopsticks when something black rolled out. Fascinated, sister picked it up and held it to her face.

"What is it?" She said as Addy strolled over and sat down beside me, also gazing wide-eyed at the unidentified object.

"Wait... EW! It's an old grape!" And with that she threw it onto my lap.

The grape was really more of a giant shriveled raisin, but it was hairy and I didn't want to touch it. How long had it been lying there? Days, weeks, months?

Luckily for me, dumb dog extended her neck and plucked the little fruit off my lap.

"NOM NOM NOM"

And like that... it was gone.

How to properly lick a bowl.

In case anyone has ever had trouble trying to clean a bowl with there tongue, these cleverly illustrated pictures should show you how.

It's a very delicate process, so be careful...

Bowl licking is not for the faint of heart.

Hornets are cool.

HAHA! I GOT YOU! my post title is slightly misleading! Hornets sting. That's not cool.

I just wanted to let you know there is a difference between a hornet, bee, and a wasp.

It's odd that people don't realize this... Or maybe in the rush to run away from the little insect the adrenaline clouds your vision and impairs thought process so you have no proper cognition.

I don't really know. I just needed something to go with this picture I drew.

Alohomora!

I am a big Harry Potter fan. Sometimes I feel like a sacrilegious git for liking it so much, but the truth is I'd have a hard time stopping.

When I first read the Deathly Hallows, I was sorely infuriated with the epilogue. I wanted to rip and tear the book apart, burn it in the fireplace then scatter its ashes in some abysmal garbage dump.

Of course, I did not. Then my collection wouldn't be complete, but I did cry out of pure rage. I didn't want Harry to be married. How was I supposed to dream about him falling for me if he was 30 or 40 years old?

YES

NO

Of course, I would have to turn him down for two reasons.
1. I have a boyfriend.
2. I do not dapple in the magical arts.

Sigh. I think that is the only time I was furious with JK Rowling.

Wait. That's a lie. I was pretty pissed when she killed Hedwig, Doby, Fred, and Moody.

Especially Fred...

Mammoth and Gary

A somewhat accurate portrayal of my relationships

Mammoth

If you don't understand, go here: First Mammoth

ANATOMY: Boys and girls

Grocery shopping is a hazard.

I could be rich if I wanted to...

Every now and then I like to pretend it's possible for me to get rich.

I could invent some menial, unnecessary item like crocs or those airport pillows shaped like animals.

Go to med school and become a brain surgeon or go to Harvard and be the world's best lawyer.

Possibly become a professional athlete or dancer.

Be the next Christina Aguilera...

A famous artist...

All unlikely.

I am Seriously Disillusioned

Last night I learned something that turned my life upside down. The truth was revealed to me, and I thought maybe it was all a practical joke, designed to make me feel like some inferior life form. Kind of like pond scum.

But ... Alas! It was not so.

My life has been lived in ignorance, wrongly believing in how babies are made. I thought to make a baby [BZZZZZZ!! INTERRUPTION/DISCLAIMER- Please scroll to the end of the blog for a happy picture of unicorns and walruses if you cannot handle blood, "the time of the month", birth, or dragons] you had to "do the deed" when it was that time of the month.

I could never understand how anyone had children that way, unless they were seriously sick in the head and loved the idea of swimming in blood. So I ignorantly thought most babies were happy mistakes. I was wrong.

Last night, my mom said she didn't realize people could get pregnant on their periods. WOAH. I was shocked. Though thoroughly confused, I played it off like, "Yeah. I know right? TOTALLY WACKO," while in my head, it felt like a thousand dragons simultaneously spontaneously combusted.

I had thought all along it was the only way. Sigh. I am always wrong.

My health class must have been boring.

It's not even Christmas yet.

Every year around this time, something magical and incredible happens... My sister starts to think she's Mariah Carey, and baby all she wants for Christmas is you.


She starts out a little slow, but LOUD.

During the last chorus, she ends writhing on the floor in happiness.


This whole phenomenon occurred early this year. I think it has something to do with the fact that Christmas carols were being played before Halloween. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I think drawing out the spirit of the holiday might make it less enjoyable.


On a different note, my dog sounds like he has cancer of the lungs. He was never much of a smoker, though.

Mammoth

It doesn't have to make sense. Laugh, cretin.

If you're lazy and you know it...

Last night I just wasn't feeling it. I did not want to do anything that required energy. The cold had sapped me of all my vivacity, and everything was suddenly looking difficult. I began taking shortcuts, even for menial tasks. I figured all the energy I saved would add up to something great in the end. It didn't.

After I showered, I decided shaving would be much too difficult. And I mean, it's winter, right? Who's going to see my gorilla legs when I wear pants? Then I realized when I sit down, my ankles become exposed to the frigid air and my peers wandering eyes... The solution was clear to me, shave just around the uncovered area.

It worked well enough. I haven't shaved in nearly three days now. My pants were very uncomfortable, though. Extremely itchy.

Then I didn't want to blow dry my hair. See, I'm supposed to put this stuff in it to keep it from looking like this:

...And it requires heat activation. Straightening or blow drying. I usually choose the latter. But I was being lazy. So I just put the goop in my hair and let it sit. BAD IDEA. STOOPID ME. My hair got all sticky and hard to brush afterwards, so finally I gave up and slept on it. In the morning, the goo had disappeared and I looked decent. By decent I mean...

I had trouble sleeping last night. at four AM I woke up and felt something lumpy in my bed. I'd been sleeping on one of those round brushes. The whole night. I'm cool.

I won't cut corners tonight.

Intellectual Humor?

If you haven't read Chaucer's Wife of Bath's Prologue and Story, this will make no sense to you.
I suggest you do. It's hilarious, empowering for women, and a tad immoral.

(Read the spark notes version if you want to understand.)