I made these two things.

I promise I'll be funny soon.

Just not today...

...Because you're too awesome and I need to tell everyone.

Hello, I already love you.

First ticket

Before the tears and hysteria set in,

before the self-loathing began,

before I almost puked on the steering wheel,

I thanked the officer for the ticket.

QUICK!

Please!

Someone kill me before I contaminate the gene pool.