If you're lazy and you know it...

Last night I just wasn't feeling it. I did not want to do anything that required energy. The cold had sapped me of all my vivacity, and everything was suddenly looking difficult. I began taking shortcuts, even for menial tasks. I figured all the energy I saved would add up to something great in the end. It didn't.

After I showered, I decided shaving would be much too difficult. And I mean, it's winter, right? Who's going to see my gorilla legs when I wear pants? Then I realized when I sit down, my ankles become exposed to the frigid air and my peers wandering eyes... The solution was clear to me, shave just around the uncovered area.

It worked well enough. I haven't shaved in nearly three days now. My pants were very uncomfortable, though. Extremely itchy.

Then I didn't want to blow dry my hair. See, I'm supposed to put this stuff in it to keep it from looking like this:

...And it requires heat activation. Straightening or blow drying. I usually choose the latter. But I was being lazy. So I just put the goop in my hair and let it sit. BAD IDEA. STOOPID ME. My hair got all sticky and hard to brush afterwards, so finally I gave up and slept on it. In the morning, the goo had disappeared and I looked decent. By decent I mean...

I had trouble sleeping last night. at four AM I woke up and felt something lumpy in my bed. I'd been sleeping on one of those round brushes. The whole night. I'm cool.

I won't cut corners tonight.

Intellectual Humor?

If you haven't read Chaucer's Wife of Bath's Prologue and Story, this will make no sense to you.
I suggest you do. It's hilarious, empowering for women, and a tad immoral.

(Read the spark notes version if you want to understand.)

Magical Creatures of Awesome

I drew some pretty pictures during free period. I wanted to share with someone. Here they are. They got me thinking about what might happen if a unicorn and a dragon engaged in battle.

Would the fire-breathing, rib-crushing, head-eating dragon prevail... or would the mind-boggling magical skills of unicorns be enough to thwart the foe? Find out, next episode.*

*There probably won't be one.

Anatomy of a Dragon

The Funnies

*Please disregard the extra L in lollardy.

Bodily Functions

Today I was sitting and innocently watching the school play dress rehearsal with a friend*. We were having a pretty good time, sitting in the middle of the theater and taking pictures of the actors doing their thing, when I began to smell something.

*He wasn't actually a friend. More like a well-known acquaintance.

I had been gassy all day long, and frequently letting loose (silently- I have no doubt it was undetectable) in uncontrollable flatulence spasms. Now I wondered if perhaps the scent was attributed to one of these occurrences?

I shrunk down in my seat, hoping to stifle the smell, when my companion waved his hand in front of his nose, as if to say, "Whoo! It smells like someone has crapped their pants."

AWESOME.

In an effort to stall for time I whispered, "Yeah, dude. I was thinking the same thing. Something smells gross."

Shockingly, he answered, "Yeah, sorry. I had a cheeseburger last night and since then it's just been..."

I didn't hear the rest of what he said. There were two things wrong with this.

1. He owned up to his fart. Outside of family, this never happens.

2. He's hindu. Burger...? I think not!

I smiled weakly and nodded, then turned my attention to my cell phone, texting furiously.

Ah, but the awkward did not stop there, oh no.

"I was just going to text you that this is fun," He said (sarcastically the 'this is fun' part), "And I realized I don't have your number."

Really? That's very interesting... >__> ... It would have been impolite if I had not offered him my phone number. So I read it out loud for him, all the while thinking about how peculiar it was for him to steer

the conversation in this direction.

There are a few questions you just shouldn't ask if you've just farted.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and pretend he is even more socially inept than I am.