Magical Creatures of Awesome

I drew some pretty pictures during free period. I wanted to share with someone. Here they are. They got me thinking about what might happen if a unicorn and a dragon engaged in battle.

Would the fire-breathing, rib-crushing, head-eating dragon prevail... or would the mind-boggling magical skills of unicorns be enough to thwart the foe? Find out, next episode.*

*There probably won't be one.

Anatomy of a Dragon

The Funnies

*Please disregard the extra L in lollardy.

Bodily Functions

Today I was sitting and innocently watching the school play dress rehearsal with a friend*. We were having a pretty good time, sitting in the middle of the theater and taking pictures of the actors doing their thing, when I began to smell something.

*He wasn't actually a friend. More like a well-known acquaintance.

I had been gassy all day long, and frequently letting loose (silently- I have no doubt it was undetectable) in uncontrollable flatulence spasms. Now I wondered if perhaps the scent was attributed to one of these occurrences?

I shrunk down in my seat, hoping to stifle the smell, when my companion waved his hand in front of his nose, as if to say, "Whoo! It smells like someone has crapped their pants."

AWESOME.

In an effort to stall for time I whispered, "Yeah, dude. I was thinking the same thing. Something smells gross."

Shockingly, he answered, "Yeah, sorry. I had a cheeseburger last night and since then it's just been..."

I didn't hear the rest of what he said. There were two things wrong with this.

1. He owned up to his fart. Outside of family, this never happens.

2. He's hindu. Burger...? I think not!

I smiled weakly and nodded, then turned my attention to my cell phone, texting furiously.

Ah, but the awkward did not stop there, oh no.

"I was just going to text you that this is fun," He said (sarcastically the 'this is fun' part), "And I realized I don't have your number."

Really? That's very interesting... >__> ... It would have been impolite if I had not offered him my phone number. So I read it out loud for him, all the while thinking about how peculiar it was for him to steer

the conversation in this direction.

There are a few questions you just shouldn't ask if you've just farted.

I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and pretend he is even more socially inept than I am.

Time Escapes Me

I realized it had been a while since I blogged, oh, an hour ago? So I decided I would get to it. I have no specific plans for this particular post, so I think I'll just wing it.

Saturday I spent ten minutes attempting to clap with one hand. Before you jeer and ridicule me for my stupidity, take note! My English teacher demonstrated his special ability. He can do it, I swear. I flapped my wrist back and forth, over and over and over, trying to produce the same noise I had heard, but found myself unable. Afterward, I was breathless. It's a tiring task, this one handed clapping... Maybe I need to take aerobics?

As of last weekend, my nails are black with a coat of sparkly dark purple. I am not sure why I did it. I hate painting my nails. But some force drove me to defy myself and I took the chance and...

They were finished. Now I keep picking at it and trying to peel it off. I'm out of nail polish remover. It's driving me to the brink of madness!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT! Ohkay. Not really. It's just irksome.

Sister found four baby mice at field hockey practice. She took them home. I share a room with her and I'm afraid I might get Hantavirus. So if I start blogging about incessant puking and a fever, remind me.

New stuff can be annoying.

I'm not into most  'main stream' new music. Mostly because it's all about getting high in your mom's basement, having pre-marital sex, dry-humping, binging on alcohol, getting so drunk you can't figure out the name of the club you are in so you just dance...

I heard this new song by Usher. It's called DJ Got Us Fallin' in Love Again. There are three things that bother me about it.

1. The title. A DJ cannot make anyone 'fall in love'. What they can do is play music for you to dance to at a party/club/dance.

2. Fallin' isn't considered acceptable English and the "got us" part probably isn't either.

3. There's a line in this song which says, "I feel like a zombie gone back to life."I find it redundant. I personally would have liked the song more if Usher substituted corpse or cadaver for zombie. Zombie implies that someone has already been reanimated. It's like saying, "I feel like a dead person who has risen again and is breathing and has a fairly strong pulse... come back to life. Did I mention I'm alive, already?"

Ohkay. That's it. Here's a reward for reading.

I know. Disappointing, right?